guinness my darling

We lost our beloved Guinness this afternoon. She was 13.

For the past couple of months, she had been having occasional bouts of a hacking cough. Visits to the vet didn't help, as the doctor couldn't detect anything wrong with her.

No matter how badly she coughed at home, when we brought her to see the vet, all coughing stopped and she always seemed fine.

One morning about a month ago, we found her upstairs gasping for breath. We rushed her to the vet's and again, the doctor on duty could not find anything wrong. She prescribed some antibiotics and some pills that would open her air passage to help her breathe.

Guinness was fine until over a week ago. Jordan came home from school and found her gasping for breath in the balcony. We rushed her to the vet and, yet again, came home with just more pills to help her breathe.

Basically, the other vet on duty that day said that given her age, nothing much could be done for her as she seemed generally okay except for the wheezing. It was probably her lungs, he said -- she's like an old person struggling to breathe.

So we spent this past week watching her carefully. It didn't help that Rex, who is 14, caught a cold over two weeks ago and got steadily worse. When we brought him to the vet's, he had to stay overnight for some tests and the vet discovered that he was very jaundiced -- meaning his kidney and liver were in trouble.

He ended up being hospitalised for eight days.

We went twice a day every day to visit him, but no matter what they tried at the clinic, blood tests showed that Rex's jaundice was getting worse. At his age, the vet did not think a biopsy would be a good idea, for even if he recovered from the surgery, there was no guarantee that he would recover from whatever it was that was causing the jaundice.

After eight days of hospitalisation, where he grew more depressed, the vet said we could bring him home. But because he still wasn't eating, we agreed to bring him into the clinic every morning, where they could give him medication and nutrients intravenously during the day, and we'd take him home in the evenings.

We did this for four days, but yet another blood test showed that it wasn't helping. In the end, we decided to bring him home last Thursday night, and take care of him as best as we can. The vet agreed that he would be happier.

Unfortunately, during this period, Guinness got worse.

She lost her appetite and the asthma-like attacks became more frequent. All we could do was watch her closely, give her the breathing pills and feed her water and food through a syringe.

For the past five nights, I have been sleeping on the floor, between Guinness and Rex, to talk to them, to let them know how much they are loved, and to make sure that I am on hand to render help and medication immediately should they get in distress.

Rex has been relatively steady since he came home, but Guinness steadily worsened.

On her worst day last week, we had to pop those breathing pills into her once every four hours (the vet had recommended giving it to her three times a day and reducing it to once a day when she got better). I honestly thought it was touch-and-go that day.

But somehow she made it through the day and night, and stabilised by late morning the next day.

I think she chose to stay on a little longer so she could let us know how much she loved us.

Despite struggling for breath, she made the effort to make eye contact and purr whenever we "talked". She hated having to take the pill, which sometimes distressed her so much that it would make her hyperventilate. But she always forgave us, and showed she understood by purring when she could breathe again.

She wasn't fond of being fed water and diluted food through a syringe, but she accepted it, and we were grateful for that.

Every morning, after giving them breakfast, we let the cats out to play in the garden, so they can get a couple of hours to exercise or nap in the sun and fresh air. Both Rex and Guinness have continued to go outdoors with the rest of the cats. They don't romp like the younger ones do, but they enjoy watching them or just dozing in the sun.

Usually when it rains, they all choose to stay in where it's warm and dry.

It rained just half an hour after they went out this morning. Both Guinness and Rex came in from the wet like the others. Yet Guinness asked to go out again when the rain stopped. Perhaps she knew that it would be her last time.

I let her out again and she was content to sit just outside the house. So I left her there and went to shower and get ready for work. When I was dressed, we went out to bring her in again, and we found her struggling for breath near the poolside.

We brought her home and gave her a pill. Even as she heaved, she looked at me and purred. When the pill began to work and her breathing steadied, I stroked her and told her we loved her. I explained that Brian would be home early this afternoon, and that I'd see her when I got home from work tonight. She just looked at me and purred.

She passed away at 3.02 this afternoon, after waiting patiently for Brian to come home. He said she was fine when he checked on her when he got in. But just a few minutes later, she made a sound and when he checked again, she was breathing very heavily.

She went quickly and peacefully, he said. Her heaving eased and she was gone within minutes, with Brian by her side, stroking her and telling her he loved her.

We are grateful for that. And we give special thanks to her guardian angel as well as to archangels Raphael and Michael.

Her guardian angel, for the constant love, care and protection unconditionally given.

Raphael, for being with her 24/7 since I asked him for help. He healed Guinness by removing much of her pain and discomfort so that she could continue to lead as normal and mobile a life as possible right to the end. He also granted my request to ensure that, when it was time for her to go home, she would go easily and painlessly, without suffering and fear.

Michael, for keeping his promise to come for her when it was time, and for taking her into his loving arms and carrying her into the light with him, so that she wouldn't be afraid, but would go in love and light and joy.

I may not have been with Guinness when she went, but I know it happened just the way I described. Because the angels have never let me down.

Tonight, and for as long as it takes, I will continue to sleep on the floor with Rex. For he too, is getting weaker by the day.

I have asked for the miracle of a turnaround for him, yet I have also asked for the same miraculous privileges for him -- as I had for Guinness -- if a turnaround isn't meant to be, and it is his time to go home.

For me, it is miracle enough to know that God's love is so great that the angels and archangels will love and come to the aid of our beloved pets when we ask. And to know that when it is time for Brian, Jordan or me to go, we will be going home to a house in heaven that will be filled with all our beloved pets who have gone before.

Oh, what a homecoming that will be.